Jesus I want you. I want you more than I can describe. I want you in my heart, in my soul, I want you to captivate my life. Take hold of me and never let me go. Steal my heart and inspire my life. Store immeasurable joy of your love and your forgiveness in my body for days when I want to give up. Give me strength, to do all of the things you have planned for me. Show me how you want to move, and give me an eagerness to do it. I want to walk in your steps, I want love with your heart, and I want to touch lives with your hands. For the first time in my life, my heart is wanting, its desperate for you. I never want to go back. I want to feel your presence, your peace in my soul every day of my life. No matter what comes my way I pray every ounce of my body is so wrapped up in you that nothing will touch me. I want to trust you to the point where my questions are statements, my thoughts are actions and my heart is undeniably yours. I am EXHAUSTED of being me, i’m tired of giving my all and still coming up short, I am done worrying. I am no longer mine but yours, and you are perfect, just as I am through you. Take me, use me, do your will with my life and show the world what it looks like to glorify the perfect, beautiful, amazing God almighty forever and ever.
Have you ever realized one of the biggest mistakes you’ve ever made were completely unavoidable? You just were stupid enough to do it. Why? Who knows. You were on your period, you were lonely, you felt worthless, far from the Lord. However you strayed from God and you started making decisions without His consent. Stupid right?
Well honestly I don’t know if this is a mistake I can ever fix, but God can. Lord bring me back my love. Bring me back the one who loves me like you do. Or show me whats better. It’s not up to me anymore. I am tired of it being up to me. I’m tired of everything I’m settled with. I need rest, I need you. Do your will with me.
You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.
Does anyone ever stop to think about it? Time is everything. It’s the hours wasted while on the computer, its the days cherished before having to take a test, it’s the moments too long before we get to see the ones we love. Whatever it may be, I’ve discovered something curious about time, it’s never right. We’re always either wishing it away, or wishing it back. I can’t honestly remember a time I was just happy with the moment I was in.
Now don’t fret, I know you’re like not happy? what? I’ve absolutely been happy recently silly. It’s just in those moments I didn’t want time to pass at all. Being with him, oh how time could have just stopped all together and I would’ve been happier than a kid in a candy shop. And if not, couldn’t I just string those moments together continuously? That would make life everything and more. I just wanted to stay in that time. But unfortunately, time did its disappearing act again, and I found myself back on a plane to charleston.
But now after two weeks of blissfully wishing time to halt, I enter a part of my life where I yearn for time to fly by as if it barely even exists. Classes, work, late study nights, I just want it all to be so quick that the never ending time spent might be a little more bearable. If I could snap my fingers and be done with the semester, that would be just fine with me.
So what? Is there something wrong being stuck in this tug of war between what I want out of time? maybe. Will I ever be just content with how time decides to reveal itself? I just don’t know.